Yes. Long time since I came this way. Has been so busy with my masters study and exams. Now that coursework is over, that abominable bubble of emptiness has started to fill me again, giving me time to actually sit down and think. A weird feeling it is. One that fills you
with tension, curiosity and uncertainty. It keeps bugging you all the time. The
uncertainty, about what is in store for you. The curiosity that whether what
you are doing is the right thing to be done. Most annoying of all the tension that keeps you reminded, all
through day and night about this, that asks you again and again, if everything
will work out in the end. It is crushing, its excruciating, like a heavy load
upon your chest that is suffocating you every minute. The root of all this is
the fact that, a cause, a purpose for life is lacking or is unclear and
undecided upon. Sometimes you think of how small you are in front of this
vastness, this whole humanity. How much of all this can you understand and assimilate,
if at all see in your lifetime that itself is just a speck. Can all your lifetimes work make any change to
the fabric of society? If not, then why
set out on something that is so tiresome and challenging. But on the other hand, you don't want to end
up repeating the same cycle of living up to the expectations of others,
society, parents and friends, and then when you have almost run out of time, start repeating the
same old thing that your parents did. Get married, raise children, grow old,
and then one cold morning....
So, what is it that keeps life interesting?
What is that one thing in life, that will keep you going? What is that thing
which is worth giving your everything for? You know this must have been answered
a long time back, but you were swept away by the flow, the flood of advises and
opinions and sounds that kept drowning your inside voice. You never heard
yourself. But one fine day, which happens to be your birth day, you will
remember with a shock that you have turned old by one more long year; and yet
there you stand somewhere, lost and disoriented, haplessly trying to be good at
everything, but not knowing the very thing you are looking for... As of now, this is what is churning my mind; so much that you lose all taste and desires. I do not know if this is the beginning of something new, is it for good or bad. But I guess it is something I should and will, go through. I shall keep updating, as I feel I am not alone in this ;)
